Welcome to Sydney's Blog

 Sydney's slave person Steve here:

Welcome to the official blog of the Sydney T. Cat Literary Agency!  Sydney is known far and wide as the world's worst literary agent!  Of course, she isn't bad -- for a cat!  Yes, as not everyone knows, there are no laws (in the United States, anyway) regulating literary agents.  Pretty much anybody who can print some business cards, stationary, or maybe just put up a blog or web site, can call themselves a literary agent!

So one day, Sydney thought, "why not me?  Don't I DESERVE at least 15% of everything?  (Actually, what she thought was, "GIVE ME TUNA," but it's all there if you read between the lines.  So, over on our home-blog, YorkWriters.com, I posted an announcement.  I kind of figured that, like so many of Sydney's ideas, it would simply go away the first time she was distracted by a small, moving, object.

But no, people started asking where they could send submissions and if she was taking on clients.  The answer on #1: "Sydney is a busy cat.  Save her the time, and shred them yourselves."  The answer on #2: "No, but feel free to send bribes using my PayPal donation button.  PURRRRRRRRRR!"

You can, however, pretend to be a Sydney client by purchasing a souvenir or clothing item from her Cafe Press shop in the sidebar to your right.  Sydney will also, periodically, answer your writing and publishing questions in the worst way possible.  Free free to post them in comments here, or email care of me, her slave person.

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Bad Agent Sydney Answers Your Writing Questions

Steve here: A while back I happened to mention that my Cat, Sydney, was as well-suited to be a literary agent as many of the self-selected people out there claiming the title. I expected this would make people laugh at the absurdity of the idea.

Shows you how stupid I am. What I got was a bunch of emails from people asking if Sydney was taking clients, where people should send their queries and manuscripts. It seems that people are so eager to sign with an agent, any agent, that even a highly obese and self-centered calico short-hair with an IQ that's pretty low, even for a cat, can be successful in the agent business.

So successful, in fact, that she's hired me.

You see, readers are your audience. The real reason you should be writing books. But the reality of the business is that publishers have long been the gatekeepers between writers and readers.
Problem is, that whole gatekeeper thing was really cutting into their time, so years ago they outsourced most of that to agents.

Meaning that the gatekeepers then had gatekeepers.

That worked for a while, but anyone whose been on a writer's web-board or writer's conference lately knows the feeding frenzy associated with signing anybody who calls themselves an agent. It's really hard to be so popular, and its really wearing on agents. Sometimes just processing all the highly-paid speaking engagements, conference appearances, tours hawking their own books, consulting and editing gigs, gifts, flowers, and offers of sexual favors is just exhausting!

It's a wonder any of them find any time at all to try market books, make deals, or take care of their clients.

In fact, some of them don't. For a lot of them, it's not really the profitable part of their business anyway (which doesn't seem to deter people from wanting to sign with them). Those agents who take their jobs seriously and focus on their clients and the selling of books have clearly missed the boat.

Anyway, that's why Sydney has hired me. Clearly she doesn't have time to deal with the lot of you, and needed an assistant to handle the mail and deposit the checks in her account. So here I am, the gatekeeper to the gatekeeper to the gatekeepers.

Kind of a sweet position, when you think of it. I'm wondering if I should milk it? Why restrict myself just to Sydney, when there are so many even-less-qualified "agents" out there I could be fronting for? Of course, I'll need a new job title for it. Can't be an "agent agent," can I? Hmmm. How about "Bgent," which is naturally what comes after "Agent."

If it works out, I could start a whole franchise, "Cgents," "Dgents," "Egents," until we roll around and have to start over again at "Aaents." (Though some people I've talked to want to skip directly to "Ygents," and they seem to imply a question-mark on the end. I don't get it.)

Anyway, as promised, I've been opening Sydney's mail so she can answer some of your (to you, anyway) very important questions about agents and/or publishing. I turn it over to the very busy ("it would be an honor for you just to touch her cat-sand") Sydney T. Cat, Bad Agent.
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Sydney here: Just a minute while I get comfortable, darlings. Pillow. Check. Blankie. Check. Warm, sunny spot. Check. Greenies...

Greenies?

Pion! Where the hell are my Greenies!

So sorry, darlings. It's so hard to get good help these days.

Anyway, let me put my paw in the mailbag, and...