Sydney Wisdom of the Day - What's Yours is Mine

Sydney:

Sydney is very excited!  Sydney has a new client!  Writer comes to Sydney with novel they wanted to sell to New York, but here is twist: Book is already a top seller!!!


Here is deal.  Writer has already published novel as ebook on Kindle and Nook and other ebook-things.  Turns out to be big seller, and gets lots of attention, even press!  Sells lots of copies and makes lots of money!  But client is romantic.  Despite all this money, does not think she is really "published" until she has agent and sells to New York!


Writers with stars in eyes make Sydney purr!  They is putty in Sydney's paws!  Sydney plays it cool, and licks her paws for a while before saying "yes" to client!  Client is so grateful, she is ready to clean Sydney's litter box!

Novel is easy sell.  Book has proven track record, and proven appeal!  Publishers line up, and Sydney has auction!  Advance is good!  Of course, writer loses out big time on royalties, but Sydney does not care, because she gets cut!  All Sydney really cares is that SHE makes money!!!


Publisher also agrees to let writer keep selling their ebook version, because publisher wants to piss on edit and revise book so much, their version will be much different.  Why they want to fix what is working?  Sydney does not know!  Lots of work for writer, but it not Sydney's problem!


But Sydney is annoyed.  Writer's self-published ebooks still sell, and what's in it for Sydney?  Sydney tells client they gots to pay her 10% commission on ebooks she didn't touch and didn't sell!  


Grateful writer goes for it, hook, line, and tuna!  Sydney wins!  Gots writer coming and going!  Sydney is genius!


Is good to be me!  PURRRRRRRRRRRR!

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Writer-cat photo contest winner, Sumo (and his writer person, Kay Kenyon)

Sydney:

Has been a while since Sydney posted writer-cat photo winner.  Too sad.  But life goes on, and is time for Sydney to get back on the horse.  (Okay, in Sydney's case, is more like "get back on the pillow.")  So Sydney goes looking through her files of entries and finds good one!


This is Sumo, cat-supervisor of writer Kay Kenyon.  Read about Kenyon-person at www.KayKenyon.com.  

But is Sumo's picture that wins Sydney over.  Look at this sweet face!  Reminds Sydney of her enforcer, Mr. Oz, if Mr. Oz were not a cruel and merciless agent of pain and chaos.


Also has blue eyes!  Look!  Pretty!


PRIZE TIME!  Treat for Sydney!  Hey, Kenyon, go gives Sumo treat!  You know that one he likes!  While you doing, we looks at your note!


Not only is Sumo good-looking cat, Kenyon-person says he is wise too!  Here is her letter: 

My overlord is Sumo. We met at the pound one summer day in 2001, and it's been undying devotion (on my part) ever since. He's taught me much about writing and napping. Here are some of his unforgettable principles:

Be inscrutable. Never tell what you're working on. You know, people just aren't that into you. Make 'em wait. Kill mice. Those little pattering feet of negative thoughts? Pounce and kill.  Race around the yard. Sitting at the keyboard will ruin your back and give you carpal tunnel or whatever. Stay in shape, people. Be arrogant. Never let 'em see you sweat. The business is tough enough without being pegged as a whiner. Sharpen your nails. Study your craft. Read how-to books, go to conferences. Stop whining.

Isn't he darling?

Hecks, yeah he is!  Big kitty-congrats to winner Sumo!  ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  See link at bottom of message to find shelter near you where CAT SUPERVISION IS WAITING!  GO!

PURRRRR!


(Hey, Sydney always welcomes new writer-cat photo entries!  Send picture (try to limit to one or two per entry) with text about stuff like how your cat came to supervise you, why they is so special, or how they supervise your writing!  Email here.  Be patient!  Sydney keeps file of entries, and picks her favorite each time!)

 Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Conference Confusion

Sydney:

Sydney has heard that some people are confused about what to do at writer's conferences.  Some silly people think they should be learning about craft, talking to other writers, learning business, listening to editors.


NO STUPID PEOPLES!  ALL IS ABOUT GETTING AGENT!  WITHOUT AGENT IS NO POINT!  CAN NOT SELL BOOK WITHOUT AGENT!  NO POINT IN WRITING BOOK WITHOUT AGENT!  GET PRIORITIES STRAIGHT!!!!


Focus all attention on agents!  Ignore editors!  Ignore writers!  LISTEN ONLY TO WHAT AGENTS SAY!  Do what necessary to curry agent favor and attention!  Flattery!  Gifts!  Whipped-cream bikini!  TUNA!


Remember: WITHOUT AGENT, U IS NOTHING!


Now, we got that straight...


PURRRR!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Lost in Translation

Sydney:

Stupid writers treat Bad Agent Sydney like telephone.  Sydney talk to editor.  Editor tell client what editor say, more or less, with that special added Sydney "spin," and stupid writers take as gospel!


STUPID WRITERS!  SYDNEY IS NOT TELEPHONE!  SYDNEY IS NOT VOICE RECORDER!  SYDNEY IS JUST A LITTLE CAT!


But do writers pick up phone to talk directly to editor and verify what Sydney say?  No!  Do they pick up phone and seek clarification and elaboration?  No!  Do they send email to avoid errors in translation?  No!


Dumb writers.  Even with the best of intentions, talking through third parties can result in misunderstandings and problems.  Sure, agent should talk to editor.  Can ask questions writer can't comfortably ask, brooch issues difficult for writer to bring up.  But once this done, if writers were smart, they would follow up and verify EVERYTHING!


Even with best of intentions, stuff happens.  Even with big, human-agent brains (overkill you ask me!), agent forget things, misunderstand things, give writer or editor wrong impression of intent.  Even with best of intentions, and SYDNEY IS BAD AGENT!  NO BEST INTENTIONS HERE!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


PURRRRRRR...

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Latitudes

Sydney:


Dear writers,

Things that make me happy: Lack of clear instructions.


For instance, when writer sends Sydney into contract negotiations without clear instructions, is like license for Sydney to act in her own best self-interest (like she wouldn't do that anyway!).


Writers forget, while we both after that contract, my priorities not same.  If Sydney says, "pay more or we walk," and they say "walk," Sydney loses only commission on ONE sale for ONE client.  Sydney has MANY clients, and MANY deals going!  Sometimes, Sydney likes to go for broke, especially when it's only YOU that have all the chips on the line!

PURRRR!


(Sydney likes gambling metaphors.  Favorite: "Go fish!")


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Editorial Likes

Sydney:


Dear client -


No, that editor did not like your book.


If they'd liked it, I would have sent it to them.


No, of course they haven't read it!  Weren't you listening?

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Trust but Verify

Sydney:


They say, "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing."


It's true!


Fortunately, most of my clients never even bother to get even a little knowledge of what I'm up to with their business!


PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Licensing

Sydney:


Just the other day, a potential client asked to see my "agent license." My AGENT LICENCE!


I told them, "sure! I'll have the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and an honest politician bring it right over for you!"


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Uncertainty

Sydney:


Putting an agent into the middle of financial transaction like a book deal puts an entirely new layer of confusion, uncertainty, and delay into an industry already rife with confusion, uncertainty, and delay.


That certainly leaves me a lot of room to maneuver.


PURRRRRRRRR!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - "For the duration of the contract"

Sydney:


When I handle a contract, it's like when I get stuck hanging from the drapes.


Once I get my hooks in, they ain't NEVER coming out!


Please do not worry your pretty little head about this...


PURRRRRRRR.

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Payments

Sydney:


My clients trust me to collect their checks (AND the royalty statements that document what they were paid!) then cash them, and pass along 85% to them in a timely fashion. (Right!)


I'd NEVER trust a writer to cash the check and send me my 15%!


It's GOOD to be me!


PURRRRRRRR!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Foreign Rights Money

Sydney:


The good thing about foreign-rights money, is that sometimes checks just drop out of the mail totally unexpectedly.


The better part for me, is that these are checks that nobody knows about, and nobody needs to know about.


EVER!

Got to keep the Greenie jar full somehow, don't I?



PURRRRRR!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Slush

Sydney:


Did you ever feel like you were going to throw up?


Did you ever feel like you were going to throw up, and you couldn't find a manuscript laying around to throw up ON?


Nah, me neither!


PURRRRRRRRR!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Reading Fees

Sydney:


People ask, "why do you charge a reading fee for aspiring clients?"


This is simple.  I charge reading fees for things I do not want to read and do not want to represent.  Why would I touch them otherwise?  Actually, it should probably be called a "sitting fee," because that's what I do with these submissions, sit on them.


I mean literally, I sit on them.  I'm a cat, and my slush pile is the highest spot in the room.


People ask, "why should I pay you a reading fee to take my submission."


Okay, you've stumped me on that one.


Now shut up, and get me tuna!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Contracts

Sydney:


I admit, I don't know much about contracts.


That's okay.  Nobody ever sends me any.


PURRRRRRRRRRRRR


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Being liked by editors

Sydney:


Editors like people who do not waste their time with inferior work. I never send editors anything. Editors like me very much and scratch my ears.


PURRRRRRRRRR

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Proximity to the Publishing Business

Sydney:


Since I do not live in New York, people ask me if I live a train ride from New York. Of course, I do! In fact, even better, I live TWO train rides from New York! They are called the Empire Builder and the Lakeshore Limited.

If I needed to be closer to New York, I would tell you about it.


Now shut up, and get me tuna.




If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: The Desire to Sell

Dear potential client:


You clearly have very little desire to sell this book.


If you did, you'd be also be sending it to somebody who could buy the book (an editor) instead of just to someone who can't (me).


Actually, I like that in a potential client.  I can use your lack of initiative to my own advantage.


PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!