Thursday, March 1, 2012


Stupid clients: of COURSE Sydney knows far more about publishing contracts than you do.  Sydney spends much times with contracts (she sleeps on top of piles of them all the time) and is an expert on law, even though she has never gone to law school or passed any bar or watched more than half an episode of "Boston Legal" without curling up in people's lap and falling asleeps!

Why?  Because Sydney is AGENT!  Went to Blogwart's School of Agenting, where after much teachings drank the magic Potion of Knowing and was issued mystical Contract Wand!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!  You writers will believe anything!  Sydney loves using your imagination against you!  Does not matter if Sydney went to imaginary and almost certainly not trademarked school or not!  As with all things, writers believe that because Sydney calls herself "agent," she has magic powers, like Santa or Tooth Fairy!  Sydney's phone calls are better than theirs.  Sydney's letters are better than theirs.  Sydney's mailings are better than theirs.  And most CERTAINLY, all Sydney's knowings are better than theirs.

So do not be coming to Sydney questioning "organ donation clause," or "do-not-resuscitate clause."  Is just standard publishing boilerplate with no real meanings!  Is above your pay-grade to understand!  If it were important, Sydney would tell you so!  Certainly you should NOT refer it to a lawyer -- or the FBI.

Now goes away!  Sydney has to go fill the bathtub with ice.

Is good to be me!


 Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!


  1. I don't mind a DNR clause for myself as author but it's the book I'm concerned about. I want them to keep it alive and in print forever!!!

  2. But, I mean, SURELY at least a feline agent must be beyond all reproach, right? RIGHT? ;)

  3. Sorry, but I had to go with my beagle agent. She just wants pay in kibble. ;-)

  4. Sydney, if you will take me on as a client, even though we've never met, you can have 15% of everything I make. I'll turn over my writing career (and income) to you. I'll allow you to negotiate my contracts, even though you may know less about the difference between a good clause and a bad one than I do, and even if your interests lie far closer to those of the publisher than mine.

    The prestige of being able to add "Representation: Sydney T. Cat of I Can Has 15% Literary Agency" to my business cards, and occasionally drop the words "my agent" into conversations will quell any doubts I may have about your qualifications or integrity. With you as my agent I will be a "real writer."