Dear new client:
Welcome to the "Really Bad Literary Agency family! Sydney loves to discover dazzling new talent, but she has found you instead, and so will run with what she has got.
Sydney is really impressed with your first submission! Sees great best-seller potential here! Loves everything about it!
Except, of course, everything. First problem with your cozy mystery is protagonist is marathon-running senior-citizen lady. Sydney hears young-adult is very hot right now, so make lady 15. Also, running hard work and sweaty. Not cool with teens. Make her international nail-polish model. Probably just a few lines of fix. You okay with that, right?
Also, murder not so good with teens. Change crime to who stole secret new nail-polish color. Pretty much same thing right? Also, change gruff police detective to sexy werewolf with sparkle-glitter in hair, make best friend into magic angel, and change setting from Boston to Paris.
But otherwise, is perfect!
Except it isn't. Needs that special "professional polish" that can only come from experienced book-doctor, such as -- oh, don't know -- maybe Mr. Oz, professional book doctor that Sydney has certainly never met before or had any business relationship with, yet has complete confidence in and insists you use!
|Mr. Oz - Professional book-shredder --er-- doctor!|
Well, not much anyway.
For large values of "not much."
Anyhow, Mr. Oz has never published book, of course, or been an editor, or worked in publishing industry at all, but spends most of time with people who actually speak English, and therefore is fully qualified to tell you how to improve books! Also, his claws are very sharp.
When Mr. Oz returns book to you, bring pieces back to Bad Agent Sydney for reading and further comments. Sydney is sure she will LOVE everything about it!
Parnell Hall on how to write mystery. Hysterical!! http://bit.ly/9fnSoRBad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!
While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION! Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have! Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY! Use this LINK to find shelter near you! GO! AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!
If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!