Friday, March 12, 2010

U R Terminated!


People wonder, "hey Sydney, you work all alone at Really Bad Literary Agency?"

No, silly writers.  Sydney is very interactive kitty!  Needs peeps to echo and validate her every thought and idea!  (Just had one now: Returned check fee for clients WHEN CHECKS I WRITE ARE RETURNED!  Peeps!  Remind me later how ingenious I is!)  And of course, has Mr. Oz, my enforcer when knee-caps need biting or Rottweilers needs roughing up.  

Sydney also has sub-agents to scratch up rights in other areas, like her Hollywood agent Mr. Loki.

But at moment, Sydney has no other in-house agents in her agency.  Did try once though.  Big disaster!  Had to show that bum the cat-door!  Share a little behind-the-scenes with you here.  Here termination letter for big boob.  (Names hidden to protect the guilty!)

October 12, 2009

Second Desk on the Left
Really Bad Literary Agency


It has come to our attention that your recent actions in regards to your new client, Mr. REDACTED, are in direct violation of agency policy.  Do we need to remind you, Mr. REDACTED, that you signed a binding agreement with this agency, and that you promised to abide by all agency practices?

In particular, it appears you have bargained in good faith, provided references, and actively participated in negotiating a contract for your client.  Further, you have offered career advice without demanding repeated revisions of said client’s manuscripts, and you have followed the client’s instructions as regards various business matters.

Here at the Really Bad Literary Agency we do not do these things.  That is our policy, and it works for us.  Unfortunately, you have chosen to ignore our procedures.  Our agreement allows us to sever our relationship at any time, for any reason, and allows you to buy your way out of the contract with an early termination payment of only 10% of your annual earnings.  That’s fair – it is what we offer our clients, after all.

However, there was extra tuna this morning and I am in a good mood.  Therefore, I am willing to allow you to terminate our relationship without payment.  It saves us both time and effort, and you can offer whatever explanation you prefer to your client to explain your departure.  But should you choose to denigrate the agency in any way, my good mood will evaporate quickly.

This is not REDACTED & Cat, Mr. REDACTED.  You do not set policy for this agency.  If you cannot abide by our agreement, we will expect your resignation forthwith.

Sydney T. Cat
Owner and Senior Agent
The Really Bad Literary Agency

That's how it went down.  You know, sometimes scooping not enough.  Got to dump the cat box and start fresh.


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

No comments:

Post a Comment