Sydney:

Good news! Sydney has just amended her 432 page agent/author agreement!  

Now not even death will separate you from Sydney's tender mercies!  Now Sydney gets to play with  screw  rob  help your estate too!  This is good for you because you will be dead and will not see what Sydney is doing!  Also good for you that you really didn't like all those relatives anyway, and now Sydney can screw with them for you when you are gone!

Is good to be me!

PURRRRRRR!



Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney:

Stupid clients: of COURSE Sydney knows far more about publishing contracts than you do.  Sydney spends much times with contracts (she sleeps on top of piles of them all the time) and is an expert on law, even though she has never gone to law school or passed any bar or watched more than half an episode of "Boston Legal" without curling up in people's lap and falling asleeps!

Why?  Because Sydney is AGENT!  Went to Blogwart's School of Agenting, where after much teachings drank the magic Potion of Knowing and was issued mystical Contract Wand!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!  You writers will believe anything!  Sydney loves using your imagination against you!  Does not matter if Sydney went to imaginary and almost certainly not trademarked school or not!  As with all things, writers believe that because Sydney calls herself "agent," she has magic powers, like Santa or Tooth Fairy!  Sydney's phone calls are better than theirs.  Sydney's letters are better than theirs.  Sydney's mailings are better than theirs.  And most CERTAINLY, all Sydney's knowings are better than theirs.

So do not be coming to Sydney questioning "organ donation clause," or "do-not-resuscitate clause."  Is just standard publishing boilerplate with no real meanings!  Is above your pay-grade to understand!  If it were important, Sydney would tell you so!  Certainly you should NOT refer it to a lawyer -- or the FBI.

Now goes away!  Sydney has to go fill the bathtub with ice.

Is good to be me!

PURRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Never Ending Story

Sydney:

Most publishing contracts haves what is called "termination clause."  No, stupids, this is not title of worst Arnold Schwarzenegger Christimas movie ever!  This is clause that sets up what conditions under which the contracts ceases to applies, like when book is out of print or the term of the rights purchase runses out.


But Sydney has another name for this clause!  She calls it the "Sydney-doesn't-makes-no-more-money clause!"  See, the percentage of monies that Sydney gets is for the "life of the contract."  If book stays in print for fifty years and contract is in force, Sydney gets still her percentage!  This is much tunas for Sydney!


But if contract runs out, so whats, right?  Sydney can resell work then and makes more monies!  But, ignoring that this is more works for Sydney (do not want!), sometimes (not very often) clients wise up to Sydney's evil ways, and "part company" with Sydney!  But even then, if contract is still in force, Sydney still makes moneys! But if contract expires, no moneys for Sydney!  Former client can have NEW agent resell and keep cut for themselves!  


Stupid writer may even sell themselves and keep ALL money!  Selfish writers!  Don't they know that agents needs to eat, pay rent, and buy mink-lined business jets!


Sydney has been thinking about this, wondering if she can negotiate OUT termination clause on all client's new contracts?  Publishers won't say nothing.  It has been Sydney's experience, they is usually happy to let writers (or their agents) screw themselves.  But this is only screwing for client, not so much for Bad Agent Sydney!  And most clients won't notice.  Don't know what termination clause is, even if they bothers to reads contract. (Clients, ignore this post, and do not worry your pretty-little-heads!).

Sometimes Sydney is so brilliants she has to wear shades!!!


PURRRRRRR!!!!!

 Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Client Reflux

Sydney:

A while back this writer, we'll call him "Chump," sent Sydney a manuscript, asking for representation.  Sydney sees how she could put special Sydney "touch" on it, but she had just thrown up on another writer's book, and didn't have it in her that day.  So she passed.


Now is six months later.  Chump writer is back!  So is Chump writer's book, looking just like last time Sydney saw it!  Only one thing different: writer submitted book themselves and have a 3-book offer from major publisher!  Now Chump wants Sydney to take them on as client and negotiate the deal!


Sydney's reaction is obvious: HECKS NO!!!!!


"But," you says, "Sydney, this is free money!  Almost no work, and you hate work!"


This is true, but there is one thing more important than money to Sydney...  Okay, tuna. TWO things more important than money to Sydney, and the second one is SYDNEY'S EGO!  How can stupid writer think they could sell manuscript without Sydney's "improvements?"  Then, to adds insults to injuries, Chump GOES AHEAD AND DOES IT!


Stupid publisher buys book that agent didn't "fix?"  This is crazy-talk, and Sydney is angry at them too.  No sending ANY clients manuscripts to them for long time!  (Not that Sydney ever sends up much of anything anyway...)


But still, Sydney thinks: FREE MONEY.  FREE MONEY THAT CAN BE USED TO BUY TUNA.  But what about Sydney's ego?


So Sydney has plan.  Agrees she will represent deal, but ONLY if SHE is allowed to revise books first.  (Ate some funny-colored cat-kibble from bottom of old bag this morning, and am ready to RUMBLE!)  Is perfect plan!  Goes down like this!


Publisher likes revised book better, or at least doesn't hate it so much to kill deal.  Sydney's wonderfulness vindicated!


-or (more likely) -


Publisher rejects revised book, Sydney drops them as client, Chump's reputation ruined, Chump punished, publisher punished!  Sydney rules as master-manipulator of publishing!  Yay, Sydney!  (Sure, loses free money, but is no worse off than doing nothing.)


You may think that Chump will never go for it, but you never know.  They was silly enough to come back to Sydney in the first place!


It is good to me me!


PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Keeping Score

Sydney:

Hey, sports fans, one of the things Bad Agent Sydney like best about being agent is the scoring system.


It like this: Sydney gets credit for every deal that goes through Sydney's office.  People only interested in this, "what Sydney does," not how well she does it.


What that mean?  Well, say that Sydney sells a book (this has never happened, but could!) to major publisher.  Gets credit, plus rep as that agent who can sell to major publishers!


Now, say Sydney and her book-doctor Mr. Oz rewrites all client's books and they don't sell.  Nobody notice but client!  No points against Sydney!


Or say, new writer walks in door with a fat offer from a publisher.  Sydney handles contract.  Gets credit, plus reputation as that agent who gets the big-money deals!


Now, say Sydney forgets to read contract carefully.  Leaves in bad reversion and sub-rights clauses that will bite client in ass years down line.  Nobody notice but client (and maybe not them!).  No points against Sydney!


Say studio head's secretary reads book on plane and tells him what it about.  He looks at picture on cover and likes lady with boobies.  Movie deal comes out of nowhere.  Sydney handles contract.  Sydney gets credit, plus reputation as "that agent who gets Hollywood deals!"


Now, say Sydney doesn't know Hollywood and offers to take half the money for percentage of gross.  Forgets that through "magic bookkeeping," Hollywood movies never make money on paper.  Whoops!  Nobody notices till movie comes out and is old news.  No points against Sydney!


Say big-shot writer gets tired of her bad agent and fires them.  Looks around.  Sydney got reputation as deal-maker!  Also cute and soft to pet!  Big-shot signs with Sydney, and brings tons of automatic sales to Sydney's office!


Sydney locks in long-term contracts and coasts on big-shot's sales for years, long after big-shot notices Sydney is bad-agent and moves along.  Big-shot's books stay in-print forever!  Sydney lists big-shot on web-site as client forever!  Makes money off those contracts forever!  Score, score, score for Sydney!


Sydney's successes are noticed (even when they aren't really hers).  Her mistakes usually aren't (and may not be discovered for years, if ever).  If you are catching on that Sydney would have to work to lose under this scoring system, you see why Sydney is happy-agent-kitty! 


Nobody asks, was that deal well negotiated?  Was that a good contract?  Could that big deal have been bigger, or at least, better?  Writers is doo-doo-brains, and never looks or thinks beyond the surface of the deal they read about in Publisher's Lunch!


So easy for Sydney to build reputation as deal-maker, and reputation is like a big old check that Sydney can take right to the bank!


Is good to be me!


PURRRRRR!

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Latitudes

Sydney:


Dear writers,

Things that make me happy: Lack of clear instructions.


For instance, when writer sends Sydney into contract negotiations without clear instructions, is like license for Sydney to act in her own best self-interest (like she wouldn't do that anyway!).


Writers forget, while we both after that contract, my priorities not same.  If Sydney says, "pay more or we walk," and they say "walk," Sydney loses only commission on ONE sale for ONE client.  Sydney has MANY clients, and MANY deals going!  Sometimes, Sydney likes to go for broke, especially when it's only YOU that have all the chips on the line!

PURRRR!


(Sydney likes gambling metaphors.  Favorite: "Go fish!")


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: It's only TUNA!

Sydney:


Many writers want to sign with Bad Agent Sydney because "she works for tuna."  

Stupid writers do no understand tuna = money!


You sign contract, I get 15%.  Tuna, dollars, quatloos, does not matter.  I get 15%!


Stupid writers only look at dollar signs.  In publishing, for writers, and for me, many things is money!  Subrights is money.  Royalty terms is money.  Time is money.  Even reversion-clause is money!  

Long as stupid writers only look at dollar signs, nobody paying attention to what I do with everything else.  Nobody notice that semi-truck just back up to Sydney's office with daily tuna delivery!

Writers should treat everything in business like money, but don't.  

Is good to be me!

So don't you worry your pretty little head about it!


PURRRRR!



Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - "For the duration of the contract"

Sydney:


When I handle a contract, it's like when I get stuck hanging from the drapes.


Once I get my hooks in, they ain't NEVER coming out!


Please do not worry your pretty little head about this...


PURRRRRRRR.

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Contracts

Sydney:


I admit, I don't know much about contracts.


That's okay.  Nobody ever sends me any.


PURRRRRRRRRRRRR


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!