Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Banking on Fees

Sydney:

Let Sydney ask you this: How is Bad Agent Sydney like a bank?


Well, you might be saying that is because Sydney is financial institution that writers run all income through and trust to cash pay-checks and transfer money to them, and you'd be right.


But banks big buildings with safes in the back, and are regulated and insured, whereas Sydney is a little cat who lives in a cube made of rip-stop nylon and operates out of P.O. Box.  So that analogy breaks down pretty fast.

"The Bank of Sydney Building"

No, real reason Sydney is like bank is, MAKES MOST OF MONEY ON FEES!  


When Sydney signs new client, she had them sign service agreement (Shipping weight, 6 pounds!  Shipping fee applies!) which includes list of service fees Sydney charges.  


What?  You think 15% of gross and whatever else I can skim not enough?  HA on you!


For example, suppose you gots $20,000 advance check here.  Sydney puts in her bank (the kind with building and insurance!).  Gets to keep $3000 for her commission.  Treats for her!  PURRR!


Oh, wait!  Client wants money?  What's your hurry, you?  Sydney is making interest here!  What? Something about foreclosure and  life-saving medication? Okay, okay, Sydney will send.


But this is not in Sydney's accounting cycle!  Sydney cuts checks once month whether she needs to or not.  You just missed!  What?  Still want your money?


Okay, $25 Special Check Charge.


What?  Having problems with mail theft in your area?  Want Sydney should send courier?  Okay, okay.  Grumble.  $30 special shipping charge.


(Later)


What?  You no get check?  Maybe Sydney forgot to send.  Maybe Sydney send it in an envelope and a stamp and your postman ate it.  But Sydney is not telling you any of this!  You want ANOTHER check?


Okay, that be $25 Special Check Charge.


Also $20 charge to cancel missing check.  Bad writer you!  This will make sure you never ask for your money again!


Also $30 Special Shipping Charge.


(Later)


What, you still no get?  You in luck!  New check is in accounting cycle this time!  No charge!


But $20 missing check charge.


$30 special shipping...


Etc.


Is good to be me!


PURRRRRR!
Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: The Book Doctor

Sydney:

Dear client:


Have just slept on read your latest manuscript.  


Bad news: it sucks!  


Good news: it can be fixed!


Allow me to refer you to a book doctor I have in my pocket with whom I often work, Mr. Oz...

For a small kickback fee, Mr. Oz will sit on go over your manuscript and take care of all your problems.


No, Mr. Oz has never sold a book of his own.  In fact, he has never written a book.  In fact, he cannot spell, and has a fair contempt for human language.


But do not worry!  His claws are very, very sharp!


PURRRRRRR!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!