Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Extrapolation

Sydney:

Sydney does not like to do work.  Submitting client's manuscripts: HARD!  Cut into Sydney's nap time!  But Sydney has time-tested Bad Agent technique to keep nasty work under control.  Is called "Extrapolation."


Here, I show you how work. 


Right now Sydney is looking at rejection from one junior editor at major publishing house:


"Sorry.  This is a great read and lots of fun, but left-handed pirate books aren't working for us right now.  Right-handed privateers are more the rage right now.  The writing is wonderful though, and we'd love to see more from this author."


From this, Sydney can extrapolate many things:


1. Nobody at this house will buy anything with left-handed pirates.
1a. Or pirates.
1b. Or left handed protagonists.

2. Nobody at ANY house will buy anything with left-handed pirates.

2a. Or pirates.

2b. Or left handed protagonists.

3.  Also client cannot sell, and Sydney should give up on them (not really the subject of this post).

So, anytime Sydney gets manuscript from ANY client with left-handed pirate, or pirate, or left-handed protagonist, or this client, is waste of Sydney's time and energy to send out.  Goes in "ignore" pile to be professionally ignored for duration of emergency.

This goes on, possibly for years, until that big left-handed pirate book that all the teenage girls love comes out, stays at top of Times list for six months.  THEN Sydney send out (except for stuff from that worthless client), creating glut just in time to watch trend fizzle.  Then can start sending out letters, "nobody buys left-handed pirate, or pirate, or left-handed books any more" again.

This may not seem smart, lose Sydney money.  But Sydney is not trend setter.  Setting trends is work.

Excuse me.  I gots to go ignore some pirate books...

PURRRR!

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Conference Confusion

Sydney:

Sydney has heard that some people are confused about what to do at writer's conferences.  Some silly people think they should be learning about craft, talking to other writers, learning business, listening to editors.


NO STUPID PEOPLES!  ALL IS ABOUT GETTING AGENT!  WITHOUT AGENT IS NO POINT!  CAN NOT SELL BOOK WITHOUT AGENT!  NO POINT IN WRITING BOOK WITHOUT AGENT!  GET PRIORITIES STRAIGHT!!!!


Focus all attention on agents!  Ignore editors!  Ignore writers!  LISTEN ONLY TO WHAT AGENTS SAY!  Do what necessary to curry agent favor and attention!  Flattery!  Gifts!  Whipped-cream bikini!  TUNA!


Remember: WITHOUT AGENT, U IS NOTHING!


Now, we got that straight...


PURRRR!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Gatekeeper

Sydney:


Sydney has set herself up as gatekeeper that writers must pass if ever want get published.  Actually, that not true.  Sydney do nothing!  Writers set her up as gatekeeper.  Set all agents up as gatekeeper.


But what is Sydney gatekeeper of?  Is no wall between writers and publishing!  Obstacle course, maybe, but not wall!


Sure, many publishers say, "not take unagented submissions."  This very good for Sydney!  Even though she is very bad agent (PURRRR!), people still line up to be her client, because they think she key to gate on nonexistent wall!  Makes stupid writers think ANY agent better than no agent at all!  Never get published without agent!  Everybody know this!


HA!  Not true!  Stupid writers not think, and this is good for Bad Agents like Sydney!  Many ways through non-existent wall!  Sure, many publishers not take unagented manuscripts, but not all!  Some not take "unsolicited," and this different than "unagented."  Send good query letter!  Get request for manuscript.  Talk to editor at writer's conference!  Get request for manuscript or proposal.  Enter contests (good contests) that get attention from publishers.  Network, do whatever takes to get your best work to editors!  


Or (this no big secret) mail book anyway!  May not read, but might!  Worst thing happen?  Throw out!  You out paper, ink, and postage!  BIG DEAL!  Mail next publisher, try again.


Here's the secret: Editors want two things, not read all the cat-box-worthy manuscripts that come in slush, and to READ GREAT NEW BOOKS FROM PEOPLE THEY NEVER HEARD OF!  EDITORS NOT TRYING TO KEEP GOOD PEOPLE OUT, JUST CRAP!  EDITORS ALWAYS WANT GREAT NEW THING!


Of course, statistics say, you probably crap.  But if you think you are not, if others say you good (and not just grandma and that person you pay for sex), then maybe you run obstacle course, get book offer, and THEN you can always get agent!  Sydney will be waiting!  (But, Sydney supposes, you can also get a GOOD agent if you careful, and if you must!)


Or you can just sit on butt, staring at wall-that-is-not-there, crying about how you never get published.  That okay.  Editors not want crap, and that make you crap-by-default!


PURRRRR!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Lost in Translation

Sydney:

Stupid writers treat Bad Agent Sydney like telephone.  Sydney talk to editor.  Editor tell client what editor say, more or less, with that special added Sydney "spin," and stupid writers take as gospel!


STUPID WRITERS!  SYDNEY IS NOT TELEPHONE!  SYDNEY IS NOT VOICE RECORDER!  SYDNEY IS JUST A LITTLE CAT!


But do writers pick up phone to talk directly to editor and verify what Sydney say?  No!  Do they pick up phone and seek clarification and elaboration?  No!  Do they send email to avoid errors in translation?  No!


Dumb writers.  Even with the best of intentions, talking through third parties can result in misunderstandings and problems.  Sure, agent should talk to editor.  Can ask questions writer can't comfortably ask, brooch issues difficult for writer to bring up.  But once this done, if writers were smart, they would follow up and verify EVERYTHING!


Even with best of intentions, stuff happens.  Even with big, human-agent brains (overkill you ask me!), agent forget things, misunderstand things, give writer or editor wrong impression of intent.  Even with best of intentions, and SYDNEY IS BAD AGENT!  NO BEST INTENTIONS HERE!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


PURRRRRRR...

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Editorial Likes

Sydney:


Dear client -


No, that editor did not like your book.


If they'd liked it, I would have sent it to them.


No, of course they haven't read it!  Weren't you listening?

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Being liked by editors

Sydney:


Editors like people who do not waste their time with inferior work. I never send editors anything. Editors like me very much and scratch my ears.


PURRRRRRRRRR

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!