More Bad Hollywood Sydney Wisdom!

Sydney:

Sydney is doing so well with last-week's Hollywoods movie scheme, she starts to wonder, why should she only takes Hollywood money from own clients!  Sydney then has new ideas!


Sydney is now what is callsed "Literary Scout!"  Sydney hears there is literary scouts for reals, who goes looking for books that has potentials to develop into films or television shows, buys options to market books, then brokers deals throughs their contacts in show-business, and takes finders fee!  (Meanwhile, writer's regular agent still getses full 15% for "selling Hollywood rights," even thoughs deal just drops into their lapses!  Is good to be an agent!)


But Sydney thinks, why pays for options, when stupid writers will give to her for free!  Here is Sydney's deal: Sydney cold-calls zillion published writers offering to market their books in Hollywood!  Sydney will not charges them at all!  All they gots to do is sign over all-rights, exclusive, long-term Hollywood option to Sydney!


Sydney talks smooth, acts like shes is well-connected Hollywood insider, and drops Hollywood-insider names she learns from IMDB and TMZ!  "I has talkings with Johnny Depp the other day, and he was sayings how he would like to do a movie justes like your books!  I thinks we could get Sandras Bullock and Mae West and Hally Barry to play the sisters!  And we could get little Stevie Spielberg to directs!  Or maybe Stan Kubrick or Al Hitchcocks!  All is good friends with Sydney!  Had tunas with me at Brown Tophat restaurant just the other days!"


Some writers does not believes, but others does, and is so star-struck by idea of book being made into big movie, does not even check on Sydney's credentials!  (Sydney is agent, remember!  Has no credentials!)  So gives Sydney big right-grab option for free!


Pretty soon, Sydney has whole shopping bag full of options, maybe even with a few names Hollywood peoples who don't read will recognize!  Accidentally return Sydney's calls!  Sydney gets meeting, spreads out options on table like a deck of playing cards, and says, "takes your pickses!  Is all good!"


Maybe Sydney gets nowhere, but every once in while, one is bound to pay off!  And with Sydney's option agreement, no getting around her!  Writer can't sell to anyone else!  Movie producers can't buy without going through Sydney!  Sydney pays nothing to be deal maker and deal breaker!


Is good to be me!

PUUUURRRRRRRRRR!


 Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Check my Smooth Moves (or Movies)

Sydney:

Good news, client!  Sydney has sold Hollywood option on your book!


Has sold to new production company called "Bad Producer Sydney" Productions.  No relation, of course!  


Well, okay, a little, in that its is wholly owned by me!  But Sydney does not make the movies, of courses!  Sydney will sell yours book to REAL movie-makers.  Don't worries!  Producer Sydney will send money to you, less 25% management fee!  (Of course, Agent Sydney will also take her 20% for selling to Producer Sydney.  Is only fair!)


Sydney gets you good deal!  Not much money up front, but gets you 2% of gross profits, whichs is much better than percent of net profit!  In Hollywood, "net" means they will throw net over yous if yous is crazy enough to thinks you will get paid. "Gross" only means it would be gross if they ever actually had to pay anybody!


Of course, if you does not make much, Bad Agent Sydney's cut is small too.  But do not feel bad for Bad Agent Sydney!  Bad Producer Sydney makes her own deal!  Sydney is credited producer on movie!  No work, but Sydney makes fat check that she shares with nobodies, trailer stocked with tunas, plus 5% of the budget! (Which means Sydney gets paid if it gets made, even if it is never released!)


Also, Sydney's name is before yourses in credits!  


Also bigger!


Sydney must go now.  Already has deal to write script for sequel!  Already gots opening:


FADE OUT - YOU


Is good to be me!


PURRRRRRRRR!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Keeping Score

Sydney:

Hey, sports fans, one of the things Bad Agent Sydney like best about being agent is the scoring system.


It like this: Sydney gets credit for every deal that goes through Sydney's office.  People only interested in this, "what Sydney does," not how well she does it.


What that mean?  Well, say that Sydney sells a book (this has never happened, but could!) to major publisher.  Gets credit, plus rep as that agent who can sell to major publishers!


Now, say Sydney and her book-doctor Mr. Oz rewrites all client's books and they don't sell.  Nobody notice but client!  No points against Sydney!


Or say, new writer walks in door with a fat offer from a publisher.  Sydney handles contract.  Gets credit, plus reputation as that agent who gets the big-money deals!


Now, say Sydney forgets to read contract carefully.  Leaves in bad reversion and sub-rights clauses that will bite client in ass years down line.  Nobody notice but client (and maybe not them!).  No points against Sydney!


Say studio head's secretary reads book on plane and tells him what it about.  He looks at picture on cover and likes lady with boobies.  Movie deal comes out of nowhere.  Sydney handles contract.  Sydney gets credit, plus reputation as "that agent who gets Hollywood deals!"


Now, say Sydney doesn't know Hollywood and offers to take half the money for percentage of gross.  Forgets that through "magic bookkeeping," Hollywood movies never make money on paper.  Whoops!  Nobody notices till movie comes out and is old news.  No points against Sydney!


Say big-shot writer gets tired of her bad agent and fires them.  Looks around.  Sydney got reputation as deal-maker!  Also cute and soft to pet!  Big-shot signs with Sydney, and brings tons of automatic sales to Sydney's office!


Sydney locks in long-term contracts and coasts on big-shot's sales for years, long after big-shot notices Sydney is bad-agent and moves along.  Big-shot's books stay in-print forever!  Sydney lists big-shot on web-site as client forever!  Makes money off those contracts forever!  Score, score, score for Sydney!


Sydney's successes are noticed (even when they aren't really hers).  Her mistakes usually aren't (and may not be discovered for years, if ever).  If you are catching on that Sydney would have to work to lose under this scoring system, you see why Sydney is happy-agent-kitty! 


Nobody asks, was that deal well negotiated?  Was that a good contract?  Could that big deal have been bigger, or at least, better?  Writers is doo-doo-brains, and never looks or thinks beyond the surface of the deal they read about in Publisher's Lunch!


So easy for Sydney to build reputation as deal-maker, and reputation is like a big old check that Sydney can take right to the bank!


Is good to be me!


PURRRRRR!

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!