Sydney Wisdom of the Day - What's Yours is Mine

Sydney:

Sydney is very excited!  Sydney has a new client!  Writer comes to Sydney with novel they wanted to sell to New York, but here is twist: Book is already a top seller!!!


Here is deal.  Writer has already published novel as ebook on Kindle and Nook and other ebook-things.  Turns out to be big seller, and gets lots of attention, even press!  Sells lots of copies and makes lots of money!  But client is romantic.  Despite all this money, does not think she is really "published" until she has agent and sells to New York!


Writers with stars in eyes make Sydney purr!  They is putty in Sydney's paws!  Sydney plays it cool, and licks her paws for a while before saying "yes" to client!  Client is so grateful, she is ready to clean Sydney's litter box!

Novel is easy sell.  Book has proven track record, and proven appeal!  Publishers line up, and Sydney has auction!  Advance is good!  Of course, writer loses out big time on royalties, but Sydney does not care, because she gets cut!  All Sydney really cares is that SHE makes money!!!


Publisher also agrees to let writer keep selling their ebook version, because publisher wants to piss on edit and revise book so much, their version will be much different.  Why they want to fix what is working?  Sydney does not know!  Lots of work for writer, but it not Sydney's problem!


But Sydney is annoyed.  Writer's self-published ebooks still sell, and what's in it for Sydney?  Sydney tells client they gots to pay her 10% commission on ebooks she didn't touch and didn't sell!  


Grateful writer goes for it, hook, line, and tuna!  Sydney wins!  Gots writer coming and going!  Sydney is genius!


Is good to be me!  PURRRRRRRRRRRR!

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Wisdom of the Day: Sydney's Almost-Certain-To-Get-You-Pre-published-Writing-School

Sydney:

Good news!  Sydney is starting a writing school for would-be clients!  If you're not good enough for Sydney to read out of slush, you is still plenty good enough to give Sydney money to learns how to write!


If you pays to go through Sydney's writing school, Sydney almost certainly promises to put your submissions back in her slush pile, maybes near the top!  Slush pile is not quite tall enough to get Sydney into prime afternoon sunny spot!


Of course, Sydney cannot teach you.  First, she is busy napping on top of slush-pile.  Seconds, she is just a little cat, and cannot write.


So Sydney needs to hire some writing instructors!  How to find peoples?  Hmmm.  Sydney has heard that if you go to Home Depot parking lot in the morning, you can hire people there...


Get your moneys ready!  Sydney will be right back!


PURRRRRR!


 Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: A Drop in the Water Bowl

Sydney:

Dear client,


Yes, you is right.  Sydney has made some little mistake in handling your money!  Maybe she forgot to send your share that royalty check, or those monies from that foreign-rights sale, or that low-dollar Hollywood option.  And maybe while she was at it, maybe she forgot to send along royalty statement or other paperwork that would give you some idea you was even owed money.  Thing is, some money that maybe should have gone to you didn't.


You caught me!  Mys bad!  Hey!  Mistakes are made!  


But it was not a big mistake.  Just a little check!  Maybe a hundred bucks.  Maybe a little more.  Maybe a little less.  Certainly not enough to worry your pretty little head over!  Just a drop!  Just a drop!


But you is just one client.  Sydney has many clients.  Hundreds clients!  A drop here.  A drop there.  It adds up!


Hmmm.  Sydney's water bowl is suddenly overflowing!  How did this happen?


Is good to be me!


PURRRRRRRRRR!  

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!

If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - I like to Mingle

Sydney:


Yesterday, person says to me, "Sydney, do you co-mingle your personal, business, and client funds?  I've heard this can lead to trouble."


You want to know what causes trouble?  CLIENTS!  Also people who ask snoopy questions!  (Snoopy as in intrusive, not Snoopy as in CARTOON DOG!)


But Sydney will answer anyway.  Sydney has no secrets.  None she will tell you about anyway.


Sydney does not co-mingle funds.  Sydney puts all funds in blender and hits LIQUEFY button!  All funds completely mixed into unidentifiable mess!


What?  You says you has payment coming?  Well sure, just look in here and point at it!  What?  Why you look so confused?  While you figure it out, Sydney will pour a big glass of assets for herself!  Oh!  You are too slow!  Blender empty now!


Doing this makes it much easier for Sydney to answer all financial questions and/or charges with her stock answer: "Huh?"


Is good to be me!


PURRRR! 

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Bad Agent Poetry

Sydney:


"Oh angry client on voice mail,
UR a kink in Sydney's tail,
O how I wish U'd go away,
I will NOT take your call today!"

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Theory of Relativity

Sydney:

Silly writers think that value of their manuscript (and by extension, themselves) is absolute.  It maybe be good, or it may be bad, or may be somewhere in-between, but whatever it is, it is, today, tomorrow, and the next.

Pssh!  Is all a bunch of cat-sand!  Value of manuscript can only be determined in the context of the here-and-now in Sydney's world!  

Now, you might might think this has to do with publishing market.  Vampire books is hot one day, maybe glut the next.  Good theory!  But this would mean that Sydney is keeping tabs on publishing market, and that is too much work.  No fun either, so she does not do.

No, it means that importance of every manuscript goes up and down relative to Sydney's workload.  If Sydney has Big Deal going that requires all her attention, every other manuscript in her office looks just a little bit more like crap.  

If Sydney has a big back-log of slush (and when does she not?), all looks like crap.  

If Sydney has too-many clients clamoring for her attention and approval (and since Sydney loves money, Sydney always has more clients than she can shake a catnip-mouse at) then everything in office start to get a certain stink about it.

What is funny is, people put so much value in Sydney's approval, when all this is TOTALLY BEYOND THE WRITER'S CONTROL!  All control is Sydney's in how many clients she takes on, how eagerly she seeks new clients, how she manages her time, and of course, how many naps she takes!  ALL POWER IS SYDNEY'S!

This is just one more more way that writers willingly hand over power over their lives and careers to Bad Agent Sydney, and not even know!

Is good to be me!

PURRRRRRRRRRR!

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Literary Agent Cocktail

Sydney:

Somebody has come up with recipe for a "Literary Agent Cocktail."  Seems like a real agent in that it is bitter, difficult, and over-complicated.  On the other hand, Sydney thinks that any drink can be improved by the addition of tuna juice.  In fact, any drink that has anything OTHER than tuna juice or fresh water is bad, and not in a good way, so that whole idea is out.


Just the same, maybe you will want to give it a try.  Here's the post on MediaBistro.com, with a link to the actual recipe.  Enjoy. LITERARY AGENT COCKTAIL.

 Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!