Writer-cat photo contest winner, Allie cat

Sydney:


Hey, writer peoples!  Sorry Sydney not post so much this week.  Very busy abusing her clients and not have time!  She knows you live for her wise council, and will try to abuse and misinform you better in the future!  


But for now, here's a new winner in our very-important, ongoing, Writer-cat Photo Contest!  (Still time to enter!  Always time to enter!  Send pictures and info about how cat helps you write, along with info about writer and books if you want to Sydney@BadAgent.me  Sydney reads all your entries!)


Anyway, today's winner: Allie Cat, as sent in by writer Lyn Worthen!  Big prize!  Treats for Sydney!  Also treats for Allie Cat.  You go give, Lyn.  We look at picture while you gone...

  Allie Cat's entry comes with important life-lessons that Sydney will explain later.  Here's what Lyn says about Allie Cat:


My dear Sydney -

While we all know that you are the ultimate inspiration for writers and their cats everywhere, I would like to tell you a little story about the cat who owns me.

Allie Cat found us in the park eleven years ago, and graciously decided to bless our lives with her presence ever since. She has made the back of the couch her castle, from which she observes with disdain the birds and small children who frequently clutter our front yard, and has even gone so far as to teach our dog to catch mice and walk on the back of furniture.

When I, in my foolishness, decided to set up a private desk where I could work on my writing away from the general hubub of the household, Allie graced it with her presence -- reminding me that the spot I had chosen was, in fact, occupying one of her favorite sunny spots (I have attached a photo of Allie, as she lay stretched out across the desk). 


I've since moved my desk into the corner, and returned ownership of  the sunny spot to Allie (as rightful owner). I even put the couch back, for her lazing-about pleasure. Hopefully, if I brush and pet her enough while watching episodes of Lost, the old Sherlock Holmes series, and other movies of her choosing, I'm confident that she will eventually forgive me for my disgraceful error in judgment.

I hope you find Allie to be as inspirational as I did!

with fondest regard,

Lyn W



Thanks, Lyn!  Treats for you, too!  Go get!


Okay, what we learn here?


A: ALL SUNNY SPOTS BELONG TO THE KITTY!  IMPORTANT!


B: SOME DOGS NEED CAT SUPERVISION, AND MAY BE MILDLY TRAINABLE!  Sydney is skeptical about this, personally, but other cats say it is so.


and of course...


C: ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  MANY HOMELESS CATS WAITING AND READY TO SUPERVISE YOU!  FIND SHELTER NEAR YOU USING LINK BOTTOM OF MESSAGE!  FIND CAT!  POSSIBLY TRAINABLE DOG!  DO NOW!  GO!


There.  That taken care of.  Also Lyn say one more thing.

p.s. I also hope you enjoyed the tin of Fancy Feast tuna that I left for you at the recent Novel workshop at the -- it was on the shelf, next to the full-size photo of you that adorned the upstairs 
lounge. It just seemed fitting (I had to go before I could make sure it was delivered). Check with your people :)


What she talking about?  Well, cardboard stand-in Sydney (Sydney does not make personal appearances, but sometimes sends 2-dimensional surrogate) made personal appearance at writer's workshop recently, and Lyn was there.  When nobody looking, LYN SNEAKS IN AND LEAVES OFFERING AT ALTAR OF CARDBOARD SYDNEY!


Big points for imagination and initiate there!  Only next time, Sydney wants REAL tuna, not this "cat food" stuff.  Chunk light, water pack, dolphin-safe.  No albacore. (Sydney concerned about mercury and saving fishes for future kitties to eat!)


Anything worth doings is worth doings right!  Nice try though.


Is good to be me.


PURRRR!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Banking on Fees

Sydney:

Let Sydney ask you this: How is Bad Agent Sydney like a bank?


Well, you might be saying that is because Sydney is financial institution that writers run all income through and trust to cash pay-checks and transfer money to them, and you'd be right.


But banks big buildings with safes in the back, and are regulated and insured, whereas Sydney is a little cat who lives in a cube made of rip-stop nylon and operates out of P.O. Box.  So that analogy breaks down pretty fast.

"The Bank of Sydney Building"

No, real reason Sydney is like bank is, MAKES MOST OF MONEY ON FEES!  


When Sydney signs new client, she had them sign service agreement (Shipping weight, 6 pounds!  Shipping fee applies!) which includes list of service fees Sydney charges.  


What?  You think 15% of gross and whatever else I can skim not enough?  HA on you!


For example, suppose you gots $20,000 advance check here.  Sydney puts in her bank (the kind with building and insurance!).  Gets to keep $3000 for her commission.  Treats for her!  PURRR!


Oh, wait!  Client wants money?  What's your hurry, you?  Sydney is making interest here!  What? Something about foreclosure and  life-saving medication? Okay, okay, Sydney will send.


But this is not in Sydney's accounting cycle!  Sydney cuts checks once month whether she needs to or not.  You just missed!  What?  Still want your money?


Okay, $25 Special Check Charge.


What?  Having problems with mail theft in your area?  Want Sydney should send courier?  Okay, okay.  Grumble.  $30 special shipping charge.


(Later)


What?  You no get check?  Maybe Sydney forgot to send.  Maybe Sydney send it in an envelope and a stamp and your postman ate it.  But Sydney is not telling you any of this!  You want ANOTHER check?


Okay, that be $25 Special Check Charge.


Also $20 charge to cancel missing check.  Bad writer you!  This will make sure you never ask for your money again!


Also $30 Special Shipping Charge.


(Later)


What, you still no get?  You in luck!  New check is in accounting cycle this time!  No charge!


But $20 missing check charge.


$30 special shipping...


Etc.


Is good to be me!


PURRRRRR!
Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Writer-cat photo contest winner, Veronica, also her person Rory Miller

Sydney:


Okay, Sydney has been slacking off this last week.  Has not posted new writer-cat photo winners.  Well, slacking off is what Sydney does best!  Hey, sometimes, abusing clients takes up alls my time.  No times to abuse you guys!


Anyway, Sydney needed a treat, so here's new winner!  (First prize in contest?  Sydney gets treat!  Hey, my contest, my rules.  I'M'S A CAT!)


Entry sent in by writer-person Rory Miller.  Him's write book called "Meditations on Violence."  Sounds serious, Rory.  Lighten up!  Cat help with that!  Rory's  has website:  http://chirontraining.com.  Also has blog at http://chirontraining.blogspot.com  


Anyway, here's picture.  Prize for Veronica!  (Other first-prize in contest, Veronica gets treat!  Rory gives!  Go get treat, Rory.  We look at picture and read ur note!)

Rory writes caption (like I says: serious!):


Have problems with BUC (butt in chair)?  Veronica makes sure author  Rory Miller stays put during writing time.  "If writer not write, NO  TUNA 4 ME!  Writrfail!  Kitteh must have tuna."


See!  Now this is what Sydney calls proper writer supervision!  ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  GET YOUR SUPERVISION TODAY!  FIND LOCAL SHELTER USING LINK AT BOTTOM OF MESSAGE!


Rory also writes:


The Miller family adopted Veronica after her former owners gave her up for adoption due to health problems.  Veronica is now healthy and thriving in her two writer household.

Ill or special needs animals might require foster families because many shelters often won't adopt out sick animals, and they have limited space set aside for them.  Some veterinarians offer low cost 
or free support for ill or injured animals that arrive at shelters, but the need often overwhelms resources.  If you'd like to help, ask your local shelter for more details.


Hey, also kind of serious, Rory, but heart in right place!  Some kitties has special needs, but still full of love and WRITER SUPERVISION!  Is you the kind of special writer they needs?  GO HELP!  NOW!  U WILL B REWARDED!  Maybe Sydney even gives you a Greenie!  GO! 


That is all.  Sydney back soon with more wisdom and photo winners.  Right after nap...


PURRRRRR!



Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Keeping Score

Sydney:

Hey, sports fans, one of the things Bad Agent Sydney like best about being agent is the scoring system.


It like this: Sydney gets credit for every deal that goes through Sydney's office.  People only interested in this, "what Sydney does," not how well she does it.


What that mean?  Well, say that Sydney sells a book (this has never happened, but could!) to major publisher.  Gets credit, plus rep as that agent who can sell to major publishers!


Now, say Sydney and her book-doctor Mr. Oz rewrites all client's books and they don't sell.  Nobody notice but client!  No points against Sydney!


Or say, new writer walks in door with a fat offer from a publisher.  Sydney handles contract.  Gets credit, plus reputation as that agent who gets the big-money deals!


Now, say Sydney forgets to read contract carefully.  Leaves in bad reversion and sub-rights clauses that will bite client in ass years down line.  Nobody notice but client (and maybe not them!).  No points against Sydney!


Say studio head's secretary reads book on plane and tells him what it about.  He looks at picture on cover and likes lady with boobies.  Movie deal comes out of nowhere.  Sydney handles contract.  Sydney gets credit, plus reputation as "that agent who gets Hollywood deals!"


Now, say Sydney doesn't know Hollywood and offers to take half the money for percentage of gross.  Forgets that through "magic bookkeeping," Hollywood movies never make money on paper.  Whoops!  Nobody notices till movie comes out and is old news.  No points against Sydney!


Say big-shot writer gets tired of her bad agent and fires them.  Looks around.  Sydney got reputation as deal-maker!  Also cute and soft to pet!  Big-shot signs with Sydney, and brings tons of automatic sales to Sydney's office!


Sydney locks in long-term contracts and coasts on big-shot's sales for years, long after big-shot notices Sydney is bad-agent and moves along.  Big-shot's books stay in-print forever!  Sydney lists big-shot on web-site as client forever!  Makes money off those contracts forever!  Score, score, score for Sydney!


Sydney's successes are noticed (even when they aren't really hers).  Her mistakes usually aren't (and may not be discovered for years, if ever).  If you are catching on that Sydney would have to work to lose under this scoring system, you see why Sydney is happy-agent-kitty! 


Nobody asks, was that deal well negotiated?  Was that a good contract?  Could that big deal have been bigger, or at least, better?  Writers is doo-doo-brains, and never looks or thinks beyond the surface of the deal they read about in Publisher's Lunch!


So easy for Sydney to build reputation as deal-maker, and reputation is like a big old check that Sydney can take right to the bank!


Is good to be me!


PURRRRRR!

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

A Tale of Two Sydneys

Sydney:

Two things happen today to get Sydney's hackles up, so Sydney is here to set some things straight about who, and what, Sydney is!

First, is yet another case of celebrity hanger-on writing "tell-all" full of lies!  Peon-who-feeds-me-tuna J. Steven York writes post today on his "blog" about "where he gets the ideas for Bad Agent Sydney!"  The nerve!

Nobody "gets ideas" for Sydney!  This is as silly as theory that writers can "sell" books without agent intervention and improvement!  Peon writes like Sydney is just a little cat and he makes up words for Sydney! Pion is a big, fat, poopie-head!

Sydney is not just a little cat!  Sydney is big-cat-agent!  Write all her own words, and half of client's words!  (My book-doctor, Mr. Oz, writes the rest.)  

Truth is, J. Steven York is just a big-old stupid, and Sydney writes all words for HIM!  "Big Stupid Steven," is just character she makes up for him!  Big funny!  Has his own web site and Twitter account and everything!  HA!  Good joke!

Enough about that.  (GO GET ME TUNA, PEON!)

Other thing upset Sydney today is again, some writer calls Sydney "he!"  LISTEN WRITERS!  SYDNEY IS DAINTY LITTLE GIRL KITTY!  DON'T MAKE HER COME OVER AND READJUST YOUR FACE!

People is confused by Sydney's name, but Sydney is perfectly good girl name.  Here story of how Sydney gets it.  When Sydney came to live with lady-who-feeds-me-tuna Christina York, she was writing books based on "Alias" TV show.  Saw that, even as kitten, Sydney was kick-ass and in-charge, so she names me after kick-ass super-spy "Sydney Bristow," played by Jennifer Garner.  

See picture?  Surprised you never noticed resemblence.

What?  You still no see?  How about now?

PURRRRRR!

 

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Favorites

Sydney:


Silly writers think agents treat all clients the same.  Stupid to think they should.  Stupid to think they do.  


Here is fact of life: Agents play favorites.


Sometimes not even mean to.  It just, whoever is making you money today is going get attention.  What you open first in mail, bills, or envelopes with checks?   See?


Sometimes, it not even who is making me money.  Is who is making me money with the least grief.  Sliding scale of grief vs. money is real factor in picking Sydney's favorite.


Which brings us to who is Sydney's least favorite, the one whose calls get returned last.  This is clients that cause Sydney trouble.  Sydney does not like trouble.  Is work without making money, and Sydney much prefers making money without work.


Very often, trouble is not author's fault.  Is editor's fault.  Is publisher's fault.  Is somebody else's fault.  But not writer.


Does not matter.  Trouble-stink is all over them, and these are Sydney's goats-of-the-day.


Yes, Sydney said "day."  


Sydney is fickle.  Always your friend when big checks come in and big deals are about to close.  Maybe next day you is trouble with no check, and Sydney is always "in the litter box" when you call.


But you says, "agents should treat all clients the same, and give them equal time and attention."


Sydney says, "You don't like it, call the Happy Fairy Police and have them send the Easter Bunny down to arrest me."


PURRRRR!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - The Gate Swings Both Ways

Sydney:


You would think greatest power writers give to Bad Agent Sydney is the power to say "yes" for them. 


"Yes, we will do this book."  


"Yes, we will take this deal."


"Yes, we will sell these movie rights."


But this is not true!  Biggest power Sydney has is to say, "no."


"No, we will not do this book."


"No, this is not enough money for us to bother with."


"No, we will not sell these rights."


Reason is, client will, later if not sooner, find out when Sydney says, "yes."  


But very, very often, Sydney can say "no," and writer will never hear about it.  Never know the deals they missed, the opportunities they passed, or the decisions about their careers that were taken out of their hands.


Oh, sorry!  Not "taken."  Decisions about their careers that were given to Bad Agent Sydney.


When agents are set up as gatekeepers, we gots keys to both sides of the gate!


Is good to be in charge!


PURRRRRRR!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!