Sydney Wisdom of the Day - I Love Commas

Sydney:

Client came to Sydney recently wanting Sydney to track down missing royalty statements on her low-mid-list book.  What?  Like Sydney has nothing better to do?


Why Sydney not care?  If there is money, Sydney gets cut, right?


Trouble is, this is not big book.  If there is money, and this is only if, it is what Sydney calls "no comma money."  This means a number with no comma in it.  Sure, this could be big deal for author, but Sydney only gets 15%  So for Sydney, even comma money could be as little as $150!  That will not even pay this week's tuna bill!

Sydney is all about the bottom line, and your little checks is not that!  Sure, little checks add up, but so does work!  SYDNEY DOES NOT WANT WORK!  Sydney has no time for your little, tiny concerns!


You is not worth my time little peoples!


This is so upsetting, Sydney will have to go take naps now.  Sorry clients!  No work for you today!


PURRRRRRR!

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Special Memorial Writer Cat Photo Winner - Ezri Dax

Sydney:

Sydney is behind on her cat photo winner postings, and is feeling especially bad about it today.  Word has reached Sydney's office of recent, sad passing of most-excellent writer-supervision-cat Ezri Dax, who looked after writers Kristine Rusch and Dean Wesley Smith.  


Sydney has had picture of Ezri here for some time and had been planning to make winner, but fell behind.  Now is too late for her to win treats, and this makes Sydney very sad.


Sydney did not know Ezri well, though Sydney comes from the same neighborhood.  Somehow our paths not cross.  Traveled in different circles, I guess, or different levels.  But as regular readers know, Kristine Rusch is big pain in Sydney's side most of the time, and Hat-man Smith is always making with the crazy-writer-talk, and takes extra special kitty to supervise writers such as these!

Sydney is very sad for them that they do not have wonderful Ezri to tell them what to do any more.  Fortunately, they have other excellent cats to supervise them too.  Apparently, they is so bad that even wonderful cat like Ezri Dax could not manage them alone!  Sydney has pictures of other kitties and will post soon, but today is all about Ezri!


So here is picture of Ezri Dax.  ALL READERS GIVE TREATS TO YOUR KITTIES IN EZRI'S HONOR!  DO NOW!


Sydney buries hatchet (for today) and sends sympathy rubs to Kris-lady and Hat-man.


SNIFF!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Conference Confusion

Sydney:

Sydney has heard that some people are confused about what to do at writer's conferences.  Some silly people think they should be learning about craft, talking to other writers, learning business, listening to editors.


NO STUPID PEOPLES!  ALL IS ABOUT GETTING AGENT!  WITHOUT AGENT IS NO POINT!  CAN NOT SELL BOOK WITHOUT AGENT!  NO POINT IN WRITING BOOK WITHOUT AGENT!  GET PRIORITIES STRAIGHT!!!!


Focus all attention on agents!  Ignore editors!  Ignore writers!  LISTEN ONLY TO WHAT AGENTS SAY!  Do what necessary to curry agent favor and attention!  Flattery!  Gifts!  Whipped-cream bikini!  TUNA!


Remember: WITHOUT AGENT, U IS NOTHING!


Now, we got that straight...


PURRRR!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Writer-Cat Photo Winner: Editor Kitteh

Sydney:

Time for another writer-cat photo winner!  Sydney gets many entries to her contest. (And more is always welcome! Send to me HERE!)  Sometimes people send long stories about how they got their writer-supervision-kitties, or letters from kitties themselves.  But sometimes not so many words.  Sometimes send many pictures.  Sometimes not so many.  Sometimes not need.  This is one of those times.

Winner is Editor Kitteh, who supervises writer David Bara.  Time for prizes!  Treats for me!  (Greenies!  Yum!)  David, you give treats to Editor Kitteh!  We look at what you send!  Sydney's favorite picture!  This says it all!

Remember, ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Not got yet?  Go to animal shelter near you!  Find in link at bottom of this post!  GO NOW!

PURRRRR!
 
  
Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Just a Few Things

Sydney:

Dear new client:

Welcome to the "Really Bad Literary Agency family!  Sydney loves to discover dazzling new talent, but she has found you instead, and so will run with what she has got.  

Sydney is really impressed with your first submission!  Sees great best-seller potential here!  Loves everything about it!

Except, of course, everything.  First problem with your cozy mystery is protagonist is marathon-running senior-citizen lady.  Sydney hears young-adult is very hot right now, so make lady 15.  Also, running hard work and sweaty.  Not cool with teens.  Make her international nail-polish model.  Probably just a few lines of fix.  You okay with that, right?  

Also, murder not so good with teens.  Change crime to who stole secret new nail-polish color.  Pretty much same thing right?  Also, change gruff police detective to sexy werewolf with sparkle-glitter in hair, make best friend into magic angel, and change setting from Boston to Paris.

But otherwise, is perfect!

Except it isn't.  Needs that special "professional polish" that can only come from experienced book-doctor, such as -- oh, don't know -- maybe Mr. Oz, professional book doctor that Sydney has certainly never met before or had any business relationship with, yet has complete confidence in and insists you use!

Mr. Oz - Professional book-shredder --er-- doctor!

Of course this will be small largish fee for his professional services, and certainly none of it will be kicked-back to Sydney's pocket.  Probably.


Well, not much anyway.


For large values of "not much."

Anyhow, Mr. Oz has never published book, of course, or been an editor, or worked in publishing industry at all, but spends most of time with people who actually speak English, and therefore is fully qualified to tell you how to improve books!  Also, his claws are very sharp.

When Mr. Oz returns book to you, bring pieces back to Bad Agent Sydney for reading and further comments.  Sydney is sure she will LOVE everything about it!

Except....


PURRRRRRRR!

Parnell Hall on how to write mystery.  Hysterical!!  http://bit.ly/9fnSoRBad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Writer-cat photo contest winner, the Jennifer Stakes Kitty Crew!

Sydney:

Sorry I has not posted much this week.  Lady-who-feeds-me-tuna has been big-sick, and needed cat-laying-upon.  Is hard work, but somebody has to do it!  So, no time for Tweets or Blogs or Clients this week!


Fortunately, lady is feeling much better and went to work today, leaving Sydney some time for new writer-cat photo contest winner!


Hard to pick this week!  So many good entries (still can use more though, SEND!) to choose from.  But finally found one that works.  Is good and timely, and best of all, KITTENS!  Just can't go wrong with kittens!


Here some background (pay attention all you writers who lack proper cat supervision!): This weekend, Petco pet stores having National Pet Adoption Event.  That mean that Petco near you have many pets needing good writer homes!  Mentioned this on twitter, and Jennifer Stakes tweets me this:


@badagentsydney My fostered PileOfKittens are at @Petco now waiting for their Forever Homes. Miss their literary geniusness.


So, Sydney retweets to tell people that there are EXPERIENCED writer-supervision kitties out there for adoption!  But only just now did Sydney make connection that she has PICTURES of experience writer-supervision kitties in her contest folder!  


Duh!  Sydney is not very organized sometimes!  Is special bad-agent super-power!


Anyway, here is picture!  Treats for me!  But Jennifer cannot give foster-kitties treats, cuz' is already at Petco!  BEST TREATS FOR WINNERS GREAT NEW HOMES!  SYDNEY SAYS IT MUST BE SO!

So treats for you, Jennifer, for taking care of future-writer-kitties!  Greenies, tuna, Ben and Jerry's, whatever you like!


Anyway, here is what kitty Cinnamon writes about Jennifer and friends!:


Hallo Sydney!

This is me, Cinnamon, and my writer-human Jen.  I am five-and-a-half weeks old and Jen is older but she still needs kitten supervision!  You can see in the picture that I am watching her laptop screen from my place on her comfy shoulder and every time an adverb sneaks into her novel I say "MEW" and she says, "Thank you clever Cinnamon for your kitten geniusness" and deletes it.  Treats for me!

Here is me as well with my three brothers and sisters: Ginger, Nutmeg and Pepper.  Ginger is really good at pointing out when Jen-writer-human does silly English spelling cos she is in America now and can't go round putting 'u's into words like 'color'.  Tuh.  Nutmeg is awesome at commas and Pepper knows totally everything about apostrophes.  But I is Queen of Adverbs!

Jen-writer-human is only our Foster Mum (Mom! - Ginger - Silly Brit laydee!) and she fosters all sorts of literary kitties until they find their Forever Homes.  She can't have a Forever Kitty right now cos she'll be going back to Engyland sometime. 

We were found in a box in a car park (Parking lot! - Ginger) all on our ownsomes by a nice lady who took us to Pet Rescue of Maryland.  They phoned Jen-writer-human and said "Lucky you!  Super literary kittens want to live with you for a little bit!"  So Jen-writer-human gives us our medication and feeds us up until we are well enough to be adopted by our Forever Humans.  In return, she gets Kitten Supervision.  Bargain deal for her!  

You can see some of the other Literary Kitties who have supervised her at the Pet Rescue of Maryland website: http://www.petrescueofmd.org/  You might even want to adopt one of them for your very own writer supervision!

We also have other skills such as: pulling all the tissues out of the tissue box and shredding them; getting shut in kitchen cupboards and squeaking until relieved writer-human finds us; being AWESOME CUTE and sleeeeping in a big pile.  See?  Very talented kittens.  Jen-writer-human is one lucky writer!

Love and kitten treats,
Cinnamon, Kitten Supervisor of Jen-writer-human (www.twitter.com/Jenzarina)

See!  Jennifer big hero in literary cat world!  Okay, one more cute kitten picture for road:

MARYLAND WRITER PEOPLES!  GO GIVE THESE CATS GOOD HOMES!


Everybody else, go to local Petco NOW, or find animal shelter near you using link at bottom of message!  ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION! 


GO!



Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Writer-cat photo contest winner, Allie cat

Sydney:


Hey, writer peoples!  Sorry Sydney not post so much this week.  Very busy abusing her clients and not have time!  She knows you live for her wise council, and will try to abuse and misinform you better in the future!  


But for now, here's a new winner in our very-important, ongoing, Writer-cat Photo Contest!  (Still time to enter!  Always time to enter!  Send pictures and info about how cat helps you write, along with info about writer and books if you want to Sydney@BadAgent.me  Sydney reads all your entries!)


Anyway, today's winner: Allie Cat, as sent in by writer Lyn Worthen!  Big prize!  Treats for Sydney!  Also treats for Allie Cat.  You go give, Lyn.  We look at picture while you gone...

  Allie Cat's entry comes with important life-lessons that Sydney will explain later.  Here's what Lyn says about Allie Cat:


My dear Sydney -

While we all know that you are the ultimate inspiration for writers and their cats everywhere, I would like to tell you a little story about the cat who owns me.

Allie Cat found us in the park eleven years ago, and graciously decided to bless our lives with her presence ever since. She has made the back of the couch her castle, from which she observes with disdain the birds and small children who frequently clutter our front yard, and has even gone so far as to teach our dog to catch mice and walk on the back of furniture.

When I, in my foolishness, decided to set up a private desk where I could work on my writing away from the general hubub of the household, Allie graced it with her presence -- reminding me that the spot I had chosen was, in fact, occupying one of her favorite sunny spots (I have attached a photo of Allie, as she lay stretched out across the desk). 


I've since moved my desk into the corner, and returned ownership of  the sunny spot to Allie (as rightful owner). I even put the couch back, for her lazing-about pleasure. Hopefully, if I brush and pet her enough while watching episodes of Lost, the old Sherlock Holmes series, and other movies of her choosing, I'm confident that she will eventually forgive me for my disgraceful error in judgment.

I hope you find Allie to be as inspirational as I did!

with fondest regard,

Lyn W



Thanks, Lyn!  Treats for you, too!  Go get!


Okay, what we learn here?


A: ALL SUNNY SPOTS BELONG TO THE KITTY!  IMPORTANT!


B: SOME DOGS NEED CAT SUPERVISION, AND MAY BE MILDLY TRAINABLE!  Sydney is skeptical about this, personally, but other cats say it is so.


and of course...


C: ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  MANY HOMELESS CATS WAITING AND READY TO SUPERVISE YOU!  FIND SHELTER NEAR YOU USING LINK BOTTOM OF MESSAGE!  FIND CAT!  POSSIBLY TRAINABLE DOG!  DO NOW!  GO!


There.  That taken care of.  Also Lyn say one more thing.

p.s. I also hope you enjoyed the tin of Fancy Feast tuna that I left for you at the recent Novel workshop at the -- it was on the shelf, next to the full-size photo of you that adorned the upstairs 
lounge. It just seemed fitting (I had to go before I could make sure it was delivered). Check with your people :)


What she talking about?  Well, cardboard stand-in Sydney (Sydney does not make personal appearances, but sometimes sends 2-dimensional surrogate) made personal appearance at writer's workshop recently, and Lyn was there.  When nobody looking, LYN SNEAKS IN AND LEAVES OFFERING AT ALTAR OF CARDBOARD SYDNEY!


Big points for imagination and initiate there!  Only next time, Sydney wants REAL tuna, not this "cat food" stuff.  Chunk light, water pack, dolphin-safe.  No albacore. (Sydney concerned about mercury and saving fishes for future kitties to eat!)


Anything worth doings is worth doings right!  Nice try though.


Is good to be me.


PURRRR!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!