Writer-cat photo contest winner, Sumo (and his writer person, Kay Kenyon)

Sydney:

Has been a while since Sydney posted writer-cat photo winner.  Too sad.  But life goes on, and is time for Sydney to get back on the horse.  (Okay, in Sydney's case, is more like "get back on the pillow.")  So Sydney goes looking through her files of entries and finds good one!


This is Sumo, cat-supervisor of writer Kay Kenyon.  Read about Kenyon-person at www.KayKenyon.com.  

But is Sumo's picture that wins Sydney over.  Look at this sweet face!  Reminds Sydney of her enforcer, Mr. Oz, if Mr. Oz were not a cruel and merciless agent of pain and chaos.


Also has blue eyes!  Look!  Pretty!


PRIZE TIME!  Treat for Sydney!  Hey, Kenyon, go gives Sumo treat!  You know that one he likes!  While you doing, we looks at your note!


Not only is Sumo good-looking cat, Kenyon-person says he is wise too!  Here is her letter: 

My overlord is Sumo. We met at the pound one summer day in 2001, and it's been undying devotion (on my part) ever since. He's taught me much about writing and napping. Here are some of his unforgettable principles:

Be inscrutable. Never tell what you're working on. You know, people just aren't that into you. Make 'em wait. Kill mice. Those little pattering feet of negative thoughts? Pounce and kill.  Race around the yard. Sitting at the keyboard will ruin your back and give you carpal tunnel or whatever. Stay in shape, people. Be arrogant. Never let 'em see you sweat. The business is tough enough without being pegged as a whiner. Sharpen your nails. Study your craft. Read how-to books, go to conferences. Stop whining.

Isn't he darling?

Hecks, yeah he is!  Big kitty-congrats to winner Sumo!  ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  See link at bottom of message to find shelter near you where CAT SUPERVISION IS WAITING!  GO!

PURRRRR!


(Hey, Sydney always welcomes new writer-cat photo entries!  Send picture (try to limit to one or two per entry) with text about stuff like how your cat came to supervise you, why they is so special, or how they supervise your writing!  Email here.  Be patient!  Sydney keeps file of entries, and picks her favorite each time!)

 Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day: Client Reflux

Sydney:

A while back this writer, we'll call him "Chump," sent Sydney a manuscript, asking for representation.  Sydney sees how she could put special Sydney "touch" on it, but she had just thrown up on another writer's book, and didn't have it in her that day.  So she passed.


Now is six months later.  Chump writer is back!  So is Chump writer's book, looking just like last time Sydney saw it!  Only one thing different: writer submitted book themselves and have a 3-book offer from major publisher!  Now Chump wants Sydney to take them on as client and negotiate the deal!


Sydney's reaction is obvious: HECKS NO!!!!!


"But," you says, "Sydney, this is free money!  Almost no work, and you hate work!"


This is true, but there is one thing more important than money to Sydney...  Okay, tuna. TWO things more important than money to Sydney, and the second one is SYDNEY'S EGO!  How can stupid writer think they could sell manuscript without Sydney's "improvements?"  Then, to adds insults to injuries, Chump GOES AHEAD AND DOES IT!


Stupid publisher buys book that agent didn't "fix?"  This is crazy-talk, and Sydney is angry at them too.  No sending ANY clients manuscripts to them for long time!  (Not that Sydney ever sends up much of anything anyway...)


But still, Sydney thinks: FREE MONEY.  FREE MONEY THAT CAN BE USED TO BUY TUNA.  But what about Sydney's ego?


So Sydney has plan.  Agrees she will represent deal, but ONLY if SHE is allowed to revise books first.  (Ate some funny-colored cat-kibble from bottom of old bag this morning, and am ready to RUMBLE!)  Is perfect plan!  Goes down like this!


Publisher likes revised book better, or at least doesn't hate it so much to kill deal.  Sydney's wonderfulness vindicated!


-or (more likely) -


Publisher rejects revised book, Sydney drops them as client, Chump's reputation ruined, Chump punished, publisher punished!  Sydney rules as master-manipulator of publishing!  Yay, Sydney!  (Sure, loses free money, but is no worse off than doing nothing.)


You may think that Chump will never go for it, but you never know.  They was silly enough to come back to Sydney in the first place!


It is good to me me!


PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - I Love Commas

Sydney:

Client came to Sydney recently wanting Sydney to track down missing royalty statements on her low-mid-list book.  What?  Like Sydney has nothing better to do?


Why Sydney not care?  If there is money, Sydney gets cut, right?


Trouble is, this is not big book.  If there is money, and this is only if, it is what Sydney calls "no comma money."  This means a number with no comma in it.  Sure, this could be big deal for author, but Sydney only gets 15%  So for Sydney, even comma money could be as little as $150!  That will not even pay this week's tuna bill!

Sydney is all about the bottom line, and your little checks is not that!  Sure, little checks add up, but so does work!  SYDNEY DOES NOT WANT WORK!  Sydney has no time for your little, tiny concerns!


You is not worth my time little peoples!


This is so upsetting, Sydney will have to go take naps now.  Sorry clients!  No work for you today!


PURRRRRRR!

Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Special Memorial Writer Cat Photo Winner - Ezri Dax

Sydney:

Sydney is behind on her cat photo winner postings, and is feeling especially bad about it today.  Word has reached Sydney's office of recent, sad passing of most-excellent writer-supervision-cat Ezri Dax, who looked after writers Kristine Rusch and Dean Wesley Smith.  


Sydney has had picture of Ezri here for some time and had been planning to make winner, but fell behind.  Now is too late for her to win treats, and this makes Sydney very sad.


Sydney did not know Ezri well, though Sydney comes from the same neighborhood.  Somehow our paths not cross.  Traveled in different circles, I guess, or different levels.  But as regular readers know, Kristine Rusch is big pain in Sydney's side most of the time, and Hat-man Smith is always making with the crazy-writer-talk, and takes extra special kitty to supervise writers such as these!

Sydney is very sad for them that they do not have wonderful Ezri to tell them what to do any more.  Fortunately, they have other excellent cats to supervise them too.  Apparently, they is so bad that even wonderful cat like Ezri Dax could not manage them alone!  Sydney has pictures of other kitties and will post soon, but today is all about Ezri!


So here is picture of Ezri Dax.  ALL READERS GIVE TREATS TO YOUR KITTIES IN EZRI'S HONOR!  DO NOW!


Sydney buries hatchet (for today) and sends sympathy rubs to Kris-lady and Hat-man.


SNIFF!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Conference Confusion

Sydney:

Sydney has heard that some people are confused about what to do at writer's conferences.  Some silly people think they should be learning about craft, talking to other writers, learning business, listening to editors.


NO STUPID PEOPLES!  ALL IS ABOUT GETTING AGENT!  WITHOUT AGENT IS NO POINT!  CAN NOT SELL BOOK WITHOUT AGENT!  NO POINT IN WRITING BOOK WITHOUT AGENT!  GET PRIORITIES STRAIGHT!!!!


Focus all attention on agents!  Ignore editors!  Ignore writers!  LISTEN ONLY TO WHAT AGENTS SAY!  Do what necessary to curry agent favor and attention!  Flattery!  Gifts!  Whipped-cream bikini!  TUNA!


Remember: WITHOUT AGENT, U IS NOTHING!


Now, we got that straight...


PURRRR!


Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Writer-Cat Photo Winner: Editor Kitteh

Sydney:

Time for another writer-cat photo winner!  Sydney gets many entries to her contest. (And more is always welcome! Send to me HERE!)  Sometimes people send long stories about how they got their writer-supervision-kitties, or letters from kitties themselves.  But sometimes not so many words.  Sometimes send many pictures.  Sometimes not so many.  Sometimes not need.  This is one of those times.

Winner is Editor Kitteh, who supervises writer David Bara.  Time for prizes!  Treats for me!  (Greenies!  Yum!)  David, you give treats to Editor Kitteh!  We look at what you send!  Sydney's favorite picture!  This says it all!

Remember, ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Not got yet?  Go to animal shelter near you!  Find in link at bottom of this post!  GO NOW!

PURRRRR!
 
  
Bad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU! Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post! While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS! If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Sydney Wisdom of the Day - Just a Few Things

Sydney:

Dear new client:

Welcome to the "Really Bad Literary Agency family!  Sydney loves to discover dazzling new talent, but she has found you instead, and so will run with what she has got.  

Sydney is really impressed with your first submission!  Sees great best-seller potential here!  Loves everything about it!

Except, of course, everything.  First problem with your cozy mystery is protagonist is marathon-running senior-citizen lady.  Sydney hears young-adult is very hot right now, so make lady 15.  Also, running hard work and sweaty.  Not cool with teens.  Make her international nail-polish model.  Probably just a few lines of fix.  You okay with that, right?  

Also, murder not so good with teens.  Change crime to who stole secret new nail-polish color.  Pretty much same thing right?  Also, change gruff police detective to sexy werewolf with sparkle-glitter in hair, make best friend into magic angel, and change setting from Boston to Paris.

But otherwise, is perfect!

Except it isn't.  Needs that special "professional polish" that can only come from experienced book-doctor, such as -- oh, don't know -- maybe Mr. Oz, professional book doctor that Sydney has certainly never met before or had any business relationship with, yet has complete confidence in and insists you use!

Mr. Oz - Professional book-shredder --er-- doctor!

Of course this will be small largish fee for his professional services, and certainly none of it will be kicked-back to Sydney's pocket.  Probably.


Well, not much anyway.


For large values of "not much."

Anyhow, Mr. Oz has never published book, of course, or been an editor, or worked in publishing industry at all, but spends most of time with people who actually speak English, and therefore is fully qualified to tell you how to improve books!  Also, his claws are very sharp.

When Mr. Oz returns book to you, bring pieces back to Bad Agent Sydney for reading and further comments.  Sydney is sure she will LOVE everything about it!

Except....


PURRRRRRRR!

Parnell Hall on how to write mystery.  Hysterical!!  http://bit.ly/9fnSoRBad Agent Sydney wants to hear from YOU!
Please leave your queries, questions, or comments! Perhaps Sydney's response will inspire a future post!

While Bad Agent Sydney is not taking on new clients at this time, she is well aware that ALL WRITERS NEED CAT SUPERVISION!  Little known fact that this instinctive talent that ALL cats have!  Writers (and everyone want to be writer!), do to local shelter and ADOPT HOMELESS KITTY TODAY!  Use this LINK to find shelter near you!  GO!  AGENT SYDNEY SAYS!


If you found this post useful or fun, please be aware that Sydney has NEEDS! Toys. Catnip. TUNA! Support Sydney (and her people) by digging deep and sending a "thank-you" donantion her way. PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (You cannot resist my hypnotic "pay up!" purr! PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!